I am evaluating what I’ve been doing for the last few months. I see LOTS of painting starts.
I don’t see many finished paintings.
It’s obvious that I am in transition. I keep jumping out of the starting gate, but the races are not being won. They’re not even being completed.
This dawning awareness is somewhat painful . . . but I am determined to push through. I think I need another workshop with Jeane. She possesses an amazing facility to push you into employing your crap as fertilizer. Please don’t misunderstand me–I am NOT saying that what I have been doing the last few months is bad. It’s just not getting down to the bone, and that’s the level I want to expose. The bones, the organs, the absolute interior, the darkness. I am not talking about negativity either, just honesty. I am scooting around things, giving them a bit of a poke, tidying up, putting makeup over the blemishes.
Perhaps I need some meds and a good night’s sleep. Or, maybe I need to REALLY limit myself, like to a few colors and one paint brush, and just paint the hell out of a few hundred pieces of paper until I recognize what it is I’m looking for.